With your beloved in mind and heart, please make a place for the following affirmations, as if you're saying them directly to him or her.
I make “A” choices — choices that build the marriage I actually want, choices that open doors to us being closer and happier together, versus choices that numb the pain or frustration of feeling separate.
I give the first part of my day to what matters most.
In other words, I put the oxygen mask on myself first, every morning, so that I can better be there for the people I love. I meditate, I pray, I plan. I exercise, and I eat healthy foods.
Because the better my habits are and the better my life is, the better my marriage is.
Each day, because of how much you mean to me, I choose to be there for you in the ways you need me to be, and to love you in ways you need to be loved.
I keep the blinds open. I won’t dim the joy of what I have today to brace for a loss that may come in the future.
I look for the evidence of love and goodness — because what I look for, I find. When I catch myself scanning for what's wrong, I stop and ask: What’s one thing you did today that shows you care?
Believing is seeing, not the other way around. When I choose to see the love and goodness in you before I have full proof of it, that choice is what helps it become visible.
There are two versions of you, and both are real — the one that seems to be against me at times, and the one that loves me and would stand by me no matter what. This is the version I choose to be more real for me.
When a concern comes up for me, rather than assuming ill intent or carelessness, I seek clarification. For instance, “This is how I heard this, or this is how this situation seems to me. What was going on with you, from your side of this?”
When I'm upset about something or when I feel distant from you, I quiet myself, and I look for your soul — for the tenderness and hurt you might also be feeling. In this way, I’m beginning to actually see and know you instead of just seeing my story about you.
When I feel myself flooding, I tell myself the truth early — while I’m still at 2 or 3 — instead of waiting until I'm at a 9 or 10. I step away, not to abandon you, but to protect us.
I trust my own nature. I trust that my calm will return, that you'll still be there, and so will the love that brought us together.