Much of human unhappiness and suffering can be traced back to one uncomfortable truth: we seem unwilling — or maybe just unready — to take the steps that would actually lead us to what we truly want. Instead, we wait. We drift. We hope that somehow, someday, things will just sort themselves out.
But Agreement 1 says: I’m not waiting. I’m creating. I’m not a passenger. I’m the one driving.
Every moment, you're making either an “A” choice— a choice that leads to **toward what you actually want — or a “B” choice— a distraction, a filler — a choice that leads you away from what you want.
Sometimes what keeps us from fully sitting in the driver's seat is the story we tell ourselves.
A “story,” in the context of Agreement 1, is the explanation we give — to ourselves and others — for why we just aren’t fully making things happen in our lives. Even if the story is true, it still functions as a way to stay comfortable in a life that’s significantly different than the one we actually want.
This came into focus for me years ago, back in my single days in Provo, Utah. I woke up one morning and sort of looked around at my life. My social life was ambiguous. My career was far from blossoming. My spiritual life was flatlining.
And then — it was like a voice in my mind. “Hey, John.” “I have something to say to you.”
“Okay, let’s hear it.”
What came next sort of stunned me: “You're a dreamer.”
I pushed back. “What do you mean? I don’t just sit around dreaming — I go after what I want!”
“You do?” the voice said.
“Absolutely.”
Then came a long pause — long enough, I think, for the full insanity of what I’d just said to settle in — followed by the final blow: “Then why don’t you have what you want? Actually — let me ask it a better way. Why aren’t you even close to having what you want?”
That question cut right through me, as it will most people. And it's not that we're not trying. We are, or at least that's what we tell ourselves. But sometimes at closer examination, it's more like we're just maintaining a bare minimum forward motion- just enough to keep our self image in tact, but avoiding the hard steps and habits that would actually change things. The key to this chapter is noticing the difference. What does living life intentionally look like and feel like compared to the soul shrinking, blah world of self soothing- meaning, activities, habits and addictions that take away the unavoidable pain of compromise.
A-CHOICES
Long-term benefits
Building my vision
The future (real) me
Hard now / Easier later
Fulfillment
B-CHOICES
Short-term benefits
Filling my emptiness
The current (insane) me
Easier now / Harder later
Distraction (pacification)
Most of us can relate to this pattern when it comes to food. So let’s start there.