This piece grew out of Agreement 8 — Path 3, staying married. It's the flip side of "facing into the wind": what's actually waiting for your kids depending on which road you take.

When I was about 10, my Mom signed me up for Cub Scouts. I don't remember much about it, but I remember lasting about two weeks. I ran out of enthusiasm. The same thing happened with piano lessons. I faded away within weeks.

Giving up on a hard situation, at least, resolves something. You've made a decision. You've gone one way or the other. But marriage doesn't work that way for a lot of people. I've watched countless couples who, unhappy in their marriage, won't divorce — but aren't really married either.

Some time ago I was talking to a 68-year-old woman. Her husband had recently died. I was expressing my sorrow when she jumped in with, "Oh, it was no problem — we never had a happy marriage anyway. Perhaps God can send me someone else now that he's gone."

This is what I call the "50 Year Program" — the idea being that if your spouse continues to prove to be an idiot, just wait 50 years or so until he's dead (or until you've both passed on) and God will give you another one.

But living in an unhappy marriage isn't just, as Thoreau put it, a life of "quiet desperation." It's a corrosive force in your children's lives.

Here's the universal lie our culture is steeped in: you have two choices. Leave him, or put up with him. Divorce, or the 50 Year Program.

In logic, this is called a false dichotomy. There's a third option: heal your marriage. And once you see the real hierarchy, you'll never buy the two-choice lie again.

Consider the following possibilities in terms of the legacy you leave your children, ordered from best to worst. Each one includes how that legacy tends to shape the way your children view the world.

Possibility 1 (Best) — Great Match, 100% Commitment

100% commitment. Similar values and goals. You consistently and peacefully work out your differences. 100% faithful to each other. Your heart still skips a beat when he calls, or when she walks into the room. A positive, productive, wonderful life — a legacy of love.

Children's view of the world: "The world is a wonderful and secure place, full of amazing possibilities, where I can grow and learn and love. I can do anything. I can be anything. Watch out world, here I come!"

Possibility 2 (Next Best) — Not-So-Great Match, 100% Commitment

Many differences. Many challenges. Lots of bumps in the road. Many times you drive each other crazy and don't even like each other. Nevertheless — 100% committed, 100% faithful. Willing to work every challenge out, not always peacefully, but always willing to keep working until it works for both of you. Lots of good times. Lots of bad times. Together forever, through thick and through thin, through better or worse, through bitter or sweet.

Children's view of the world: "The world can be challenging, but if I'm willing to do one 'right thing' after the next (see Frozen II), I'll get where I'm trying to go. I'll come out of this life the person I want to be, and I'll have the love God has put in my path forever. I love my life!"

Possibility 3 (Not a Good Option) — Divorce

Same as above, but because the commitment is weak, no real steps are taken toward healing. Contempt and hopelessness grow, finally leading to what feels like the inevitable alternative — divorce.

Children's view of the world: "The world is challenging and ultimately disappointing. I'm not sure why I should even try, when in the end, whatever I achieve or gain will most likely slip away, and whatever love I experience will probably fade away."

Possibility 4 (Worst Option) — Quiet Life of Desperation (Emotional Divorce)