Rehearsing Principles of Difficult Conversations
1) Pick a smaller issue (i.e., getting the trash out before the trash truck comes).
2) With the list of principles in your hand, on your phone or a notebook, including "examples of how to use these principles" (see above), see how many of the principles you can use in your conversation with your spouse, including making a specific request, and
3) Welcome to this new world of powerful principles leading to peaceful conversations and requests! 💘
Note that in your practice of these principles, your spouse always gets an "A."
Underlying trust, or using Emil Harker's words, "assuming good intent" means that you are willing to challenge your victim story, helpless story, or villain story before making a request.
Ask God to open your heart and eyes- to see your spouse's sometimes hidden care and love for you. This is the starting place. What you see, manifests- not the other way around.
Once you are steeped in your story of distrust or let-down it's easy to unload disappointments from your entire life onto your spouse. Don’t do this. As Dr. John Lund says, bring your frustrations, distrust, upset, and fear to God. Bring your love and your specific requests to your spouse.
Work with God in getting to peace. This is the prerequisite to addressing an issue or request with your spouse.
Most of the time this is simply a matter of prayer, long walks, and meditation. Sometimes you’re going to need extra guidance. (Click here for some options).
The best treatment I have ever heard on this idea is in a piece of LDS literature (slightly modified for this book):
