“There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated. And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.”
— Doctrine & Covenants 130:20–21
Everything in the 9 Agreements applies to you — perhaps most urgently to you, because the patterns you build now become the foundation of every relationship you will ever have. These rules are specific and actionable. Live them and be happy. Break them and be miserable.
1. Read the Awakening Chapter First. That is your foundation. Start there before anything else. (See Chapter [#], Part [#].)
2. Get Intentional About Your Social Life. Agreement 1 is Live Life Intentionally — apply it here. Singles events, church, online dating: pursue them deliberately. Enjoy the process. The discomfort is part of it. (See Agreement 1.)
3. When You’re Out There, Be There to Give. Show up to love and uplift, not just to evaluate. If it’s not a fit, you can still leave someone better than you found them. That is the standard. (See Agreement 4.)
4. Be Clear About Your Intentionality. Don’t string people along. If you don’t see someone as a legitimate romantic possibility, don’t act like you do. Don’t take more than you are willing to offer.
5. Gauge Potential Love Interests by Actions, Not Words or Vibes. If a man isn’t asking you out, he’s not serious. He may be attracted to you. He may even really like you — but don’t view him as a serious option. Going the other direction, if a woman isn’t giving you consistent clues and hints about her interest in dating you, same thing.
Note: Regardless of recent views that “times have changed” when it comes to basic courtship patterns (mating rituals), the truth remains: A man’s nature is to to overtly pursue a woman he’s truly interested in and steadily move from one level of commitment to the next i.e. dating, exclusivity, private understanding, engagement, marriage. You can’t consider anything he says as evidence of genuine interest that’s outside of this pattern.
A woman’s nature, when she’s interested, is to make the target accessible (not easy, just accessible) — plenty of receptive energy i.e. when talking in public, eye to eye conversation (cell phone in pocket), standing a little inside his personal space bubble (just a little) etc. A woman can match every move a prospective man makes — not necessarily right away, but in a timely fashion. A little lag can often be part of the mating ritual, especially when the man’s interest still seems ambiguous.
6. Don’t Go Prematurely Steady. Keep things open. Know which stage you are in and honor it:
– Stage 1 — Exploration: Active social life, wide net, keep things moving and varied. Online vetting, group events, restaurants, away from your apartment etc.
– Stage 2 — Narrowing: Dating two or three people intentionally. You are choosing, not defaulting.
– Stage 3 — Pre-Exclusivity: Still making time for family, friends, and your own passions. You could see this person once or twice a week. Not yet all-in.
– Stage 4 — Private Understanding: Fully exclusive, but not engaged.
– Stage 5 — Engaged. This is it. Prepare for landing.
– Stage 6 — Married.