Don't ambush your spouse! Just don't! So tempting, I know. But it's killing your marriage! Instead, use the principles below for difficult conversations and, if you’re willing, the "Request List Protocol" along with the other tips in Section 3. You'll love the results.
Please note that Sections 1 and 2 are the basics and all you need to concentrate on. Section 3 is supplemental, for those that want to become Yoda. And you will if you study and practice these tips.
The principles discussed below should be the backdrop for all potentially high-stakes or delicate conversations, though the format for your conversations may vary, depending on just how the nature of the issue. For instance,
💙 Some conversations, if you’re feeling fairly calm and peaceful, can just be off-the-cuff, specific, affirmative, requests.
💙 Some might require a little more care and protocol and could be brought up in your “Nightly Check-In” (which is covered in another chapter of this book).
💙 Using the “Talk Cards”, or “Love Seat” protocals can be immensly helpful for discussing very delicate and/or raw issues that could easily go south. Both of these protocals are discussed in other chapters.
The overarching principle of everything discussed in this chapter is best described by Dr. Cline, below:
"I have found in thirty years of marriage counseling that learning new communication techniques, going to seminars on relationship skills, or reading all of the best books on the subject really won’t help heal marital wounds unless the individuals involved develop a contrite spirit or feel a softening of the heart." - Dr. Victor Cline.
No matter the destination or object of your conversation, peace (or as Dr. Cline puts it, a softened heart) is the way to get there.
Difficult or delicate conversations deserve principles that foster peace, understanding, and resolution. Infusing these principles into a conversation can be done naturally as you become more aware and committed to them.
Additionally, "guided communication" formats such as "Talk Cards" or "Love Seat" can keep you even more on track.