1) The person requesting conversation enrolls spouse i.e., "I’ve got something I wanted to talk about. Is this a good time, or if not, when would a good time be?" (Asking this fosters a feeling of safety).
2) When whoever is talking fully feels heard, he or she trades cards with partner.
3) The listener does not focus on his or her point of view until companion offers to exchange cards (or phones), which should happen anytime between 2 and 10 minutes into talking.
4) Exchanging cards (or phones) can occur as often as needed, as long as the conversation is positive and isn’t wearing either of you down.
5) Listener, if you think you fully understand, lay your card down, but keep listening until your partner exchanges cards. Until then, physically hold your card. Cherish it. Caress it, like it’s the elixir of love and happiness you’ve been searching for, for a thousand years.
6) If your partner isn’t requesting clarification, but you’d like to offer some, lay your card or phone down sideways so he or she knows.
7) Note that this conversation may or may not be the best time to move to a solution or agreement. Be inspired.
8) Before starting, promise each other that you will postpone the conversation if it isn't peaceful.
Card colors: The significance of blue & green cards. The green card (person listening) signifies your partner’s intent and request to enter *your country (or world). The blue card (*person talking) represents peace and the speaker's best efforts to trust rather than "lead with his or her story" (an expression made popular in the book "Crucial Conversations"). All rights reserved. Please do not copy without permission.
Path of Peace. 2024 www.pathofpeace.org - Inspired by Dr. Harville Hendrix, Dr. John Lund & Emil Harker.
Objective: Assist your spouse in getting to know you & what's going on inside you.
Tips (to use as inspired)