Each title is a hyperlink going to this section.
1) Live Life Intentionally. **
I’m not a passenger. I’m the driver. I make choices that lead to what I actually want.
2) Underlying Trust.
I look for the evidence of your love. I trust that there could be love between us.
3) Boundaries.
I’m committed to this working for both of us. I’m willing to guide you to this possibility.
I’m here to serve you, not control you. I live in the centering questions.
I am willing to be present to where it hurts and to develop solutions.
6) Show Up as Your Real & Best Self.
I’m willing to show up in my excellence vs. testing you to see if you’ll love me in my compromise.
7) Assist Others in Showing Up.
I water flowers vs. weeds. I speak to the possibilities, not the disappointments.
I will point my gratitude and my willingness into the hard part of the journey.
9) I Cause My World.
100% Accountability / 100% Responsibility. I look for myself as the cause.
Navigating a ship seems pretty easy (at least to me) - north, south, east, west, some stars, a little sonar etc.- nothing compared to navigating life and relationships. The path leading to what you want can be fuzzy at times.
The 9 Agreements serve to challenge your usual thinking, promote honest self-examination, and create more desirable results.
Below are some hypothetical examples of people who could be assisted by viewing their lives and relationships through the lenses of these agreements.
Jim is 55 years old and has never been married. He’s looking for the right one. He starts off strong, over and over, with some great relationships, but sooner or later, the excitement of new love fades and he’s back at his singles apps, leaving another broken heart behind him. How could Jim unravel his hesitance? What's missing in his view of life and love?
April is 43, has 4 young children, and continues to struggle in an abusive marriage to Mark. Should she run? Should she confront Mark? How? Isn’t it better for the kids to keep the family together? But at what cost to April’s self-esteem (or even her safety)? What is April not seeing about all of this? What was the path that led to it?
How is April perpetuating her unhappiness? Do you think you know? It may not be as simple as it seems. There is a wonderful tapestry of views waiting for April in the 9 Agreements- each giving her a larger picture and a better map to a new world- not necessarily a new marriage, but for sure, a new world.
Robert is 48. He has a nice, cordial, respectful but boring marriage with his wife, Amy. She serves in their church, constantly- has plenty of time for her neighbors but not much time for fun, recreation and sex with Robert. Robert consoles himself with some female companionship at work- mainly with Rebecca, a 38-year-old receptionist.
He joins her for lunch in the back room once in a while. It’s a small staff, so often it’s just them- which he enjoys- so much so that he feels guilty. His guilt drives him back to Amy where he tries again to engage her. But she’s too busy. Again, the solution may not be as simple as it seems. Robert may need to view his life through several lenses to get a clearer picture. Most of us do.
By now you’re probably thinking about Billy Joel’s song, “Piano Man.” That would make sense.