Each title is a hyperlink going to this section.
1) Live Life Intentionally. I’m not a passenger. I’m the driver. I make choices that lead to what I actually want.
2) Underlying Trust. I look for the evidence of your love. I trust that there could be love between us.
3) Boundaries. I’m committed to this working for both of us. I’m willing to guide you to this possibility.
4) Love vs. Control. I’m here to serve you, not control you. I live in the centering questions.
5) Heal the Real Wounds. I am willing to be present to where it hurts and to develop solutions.
6) **Show Up as Your Real & Best Self**. I’m willing to show up in my excellence & to stop testing you to see if you’ll love me in my compromise.
7) Assist Others in Showing Up. I water flowers vs. weeds. I speak to the possibilities, not the disappointments.
8) Face Into The Wind Choose the Path of Greatest Opportunity. I will point my gratitude and my willingness into the hard part of the journey.
9) I Cause My World. 100% Accountability / 100% Responsibility. I look for myself as the cause.
Navigating a ship seems pretty easy (at least to me) - north, south, east, west, some stars, a little sonar etc.- nothing compared to navigating life and relationships. The path leading to what you want can be a little fuzzy at times.
The 9 Agreements serve to challenge your usual thinking and promote honest self-examination. The result is an amazingly clear path to the peace, love & happiness you want.
Each "Agreement" represents a different view into your life and relationships. By learning to look and see through all 9 Agreements (or windows) the path forward will light up like a yellow brick road.
Hypothetical (sort of) examples of people that could be blessed by the 9 Agreements:
Jim is 55 years old and has never been married. He’s looking for the right one. He starts off strong, over and over, with some great relationships, but sooner or later the excitement of new love fades and he’s back at his singles apps, leaving another broken heart behind him. How could Jim unravel his hesitance? What's missing in his view of life and love?
April is 43, has 4 young children and continues to struggle in an abusive marriage to Mark. Should she run? Should she confront Mark? How? Isn’t it better for the kids to keep the family together? But at what cost to April’s self esteem (or even her safety)? What is April not seeing about all of this? What was the path that led to it?
How is April perpetuating her unhappiness? Do you think you know? It may not be as simple as it seems. There is a wonderful tapestry of views waiting for April in the 9 Agreements- each giving her a larger picture and a better map to a new world- not necessarily a new marriage, but for sure, a new world.
Robert is 48. He has a nice, cordial, respectful but boring marriage with his wife Amy. She serves in their church, constantly- has plenty of time for her neighbors, but not much time for fun, recreation and sex with Robert. Robert consoles himself with some female companionship at work- mainly with Rebecca, a 38 year old receptionist.
He joins her for lunch in the back room once in a while. It’s a small staff, so often it’s just them- which he enjoys- so much so that he feels guilty. His guilt drives him back to Amy where he tries again to engage her. But she’s too busy. Again, the solution may not be as simple as it seems. Robert may need to view his life through several lenses to get a clearer picture. Most of us do.
By now you’re probably thinking about Billy Joel’s song, “Piano Man.” That would make sense.
It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday
“The regular crowd shuffles in. There's an old man sitting next to me, making love to his tonic and gin. He says, ‘Son, can you play me a memory. I'm not really sure how it goes. But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger man's clothes.’ Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke but there's someplace that he'd rather be.‘ Bill, I believe this is killing me’ as the smile ran away from his face. ‘Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star, if I could get out of this place.'”
The song goes on and on with one sad story after the next- sort of opening your eyes to the hopelessness we each so naturally are inclined to. Why? How did these people all end up in this bar with Billy Joel? How did you and I end up living a life that isn’t quite what we had in mind?
The answer is simple but difficult to face: There are principles leading to what you and I truly want. And there are questions these principles are begging us to ask. Few are are willing to ask these questions and to enjoy the course corrections the answers provide.
I’m betting you’re one of these few.
John Canaan - 2020
I make choices that lead to what I actually want.
Much of human suffering can be explained by this one phenomena: More or less, we seem unwilling to take steps that lead to what we truly want. In a sense, we seem to be waiting for something to happen on it’s own. Because of this we tend to move away from what we want, rather than toward it. Agreement 1 says, “I’m not waiting. I’m creating. I’m not a passenger. I’m the one driving.”