even with current maps and up-to-date navigational devices will still need to check their bearings regularly, i.e. "How are we doing?"
This can happen off the cuff, if trust is high and you feel inspired to talk about your relationship or make a significant request.
"How are we doing?" type moments can also occur, to some degree, during Nightly Check-In - gentle, consistent guidance and less seismic requests.
Weekly Inventory is the best forum for reviewing a larger picture of your relationship and addressing more sensitive issues.
Making Weekly Inventory a weekly habit creates incredible stability and forward movement in your marriage. Please consider picking a regular time i.e. Sunday morning, afternoon, etc. Once you build some momentum, these meetings may only take 10 or 15 minutes. See below for the suggested agenda.
i.e. “I think what’s been going well for us is _____.”
As it’s been said, whatever you focus on expands and whatever you appreciate, appreciates. According to Mel Robbins, Dr. Dennis Waitley, and countless others, when you look for and underscore things that have been going well (even just a little better) your brain will unconsciously screen future events to present even more evidence.
And with more evidence that things are going well, you are more motivated to fan the flames of these new, improved, aspects of your relationship!
Note that as you review what's going well, it may occur to you what you'd like to see go better- which is what happens in Part 2, below.
1) Revisiting/reviewing and re-enrolling into existing, important agreements i.e. Date night schedule, How we handle disagreements in front of the kids, etc.
One of the best ways to introduce Part 2 is to ask, "How could I have come through for you better this last week?"
Note that in most cases this piece is simply to add continuity to guidance provided in "Nightly Check-In" i.e. "I have a request I'd like to make. Would that be O.K.?" However, sometimes you'll want to update a sensitive existing agreement.
2) Request something you need more of & if possible get into agreement about it, going forward i.e. more "us" time, more chit chat, more date nights, etc.
You may want to start with something like, “I've got something else I’d like to cover today. Would that be alright?”
Once you have the floor (and hopefully, his or her heart), you could peacefully and respectfully talk about whatever the issue is, including a new, specific request or a renewal of an existing agreement.
You may want to do the Love Seat format (very structured)… or, at least take a look at the "Request List Protocol" first i.e. "It makes me anxious to make requests and I want to do this right, so I'm going to look at this first. Would you be willing to review this with me before I make the request?" This may seem over the top in terms of process, but you will find these little moments of padding and politeness worth their weight in gold.
or, Would you be willing to use our Talk Cards to do a Love Seat on this?