The full story on this subject is great reading and you can get to it in the main directory. You’ll love it. BUT, all you really need, especially if things have been a little rocky lately and you need a quick guide, is this page.
90% of your time together should be for loving and enjoying each other.
10% of your time together, if needed, should be dedicated to talking about your relationship i.e. making requests or, as inspired, talking about sensitive issues or feelings.
When delivering a baby, there are times when you feel an urge to push, but shouldn’t (i.e. when your cervix is 7 to 8 centimeters).
If you want to give birth to a great relationship, the same is true. Talk as you are moved upon by the Holy Ghost vs. your upset. Talk when you are moved upon by your commitment, your love, and your vision vs. your urge.
What does this mean?
Simple requests can be made during Nightly Check-In. This would be part of the 10%, ****as would talking about how you're doing in your marriage during Weekly Inventory.
Sensitive issues and feelings should be discussed at set-apart times and usually using Talk Cards ****or Love Seat.
As mentioned, 90% or more of your time together is for getting to know and enjoy each other i.e. walks, dance lessons, pickleball, funny movies, holding each other, hanging out with friends, visiting puppy stores.
During the 90%, if a sensitive issue arises, you may be tempted to “push” (or deliver the issue too early). Don’t! Wait until Nightly Check-In or Weekly Inventory. ****
If, however, the issue seems pressing, you could take advantage of any natural openings that occur, like a Saturday hike or a long drive to see relatives.
You could also make an appointment with your spouse at a time that works for both of you, but a.s.a.p. i.e. "Honey, there's some things I'd like to talk about. It might take about 30 minutes. What would be a good time?"
But once the appointment is made, don't talk! - even if your spouse says, "Well what's this about?! What's the problem?" etc. Just say, "I really want to have a dedicated time for this. We'll talk at ________ (whenever the appointment is).
As inspired, in order to maintain the 90/10, you may want to put off some requests for conversations and/or redirect your spouse’s open fire i.e. “I want to talk about what you’re feeling. Would be O.K. if we talked at 9 tonight? We’ll start with a prayer and scripture and then we can talk.”
If you are having a hard time not talking about your relationship or issues too much, create a journal (along with a list of possible requests) and call it, “My time with God.” Share with Him (God) what you’re feeling, i.e. “Dear God, I feel like I’m going crazy.” etc.