The full story on this subject can be found in the front page directory, but if things have been a little rocky lately and you need a quick guide, this is the page.
90% of your time together should be for loving and enjoying each other.
10% of your time together, if needed, could be dedicated to talking about your relationship i.e. making requests or, as inspired, talking about sensitive issues or feelings and developing solutions.
When delivering a baby, there are times when you feel an urge to push, but shouldn’t (i.e. when your cervix is 7 to 8 centimeters).
If you want to give birth to a great relationship, the same is true.
Talk as you are moved upon by God, by your vision and by your desire to connect to your spouse vs. talking when moved upon by your dissappointment, distrust or upset. Talk and share at the right time and in the right way and not just because of your urge to push, or to speak your mind or get it “all off your chest.”
In this line of thinking, consider the tips below:
Simple, operational, requests for instance i.e., “Could you pick up a head of lettuce on your way home?” can be made anytime.
Possibly, but not nessesarily, sensitive subjects can be converted to affirmative requests and brough up during your Nightly Check-In (discussed in the Nightly Check-In chapter). This would be part of the 10% of your overall communication.
Likely to be sensitive issues and feelings should be discussed at your Weekly Inventory and usually using Talk Cards ****or Love Seat (both of which are amazingly helpful guided-communication tools for senstive conversations.
As mentioned, 90% or more of your time together is for getting to know and enjoy each other i.e. walks, dance lessons, pickleball, funny movies, holding each other, hanging out with friends, visiting puppy stores.
During the 90%, if a sensitive issue arises, you may be tempted to “push” (or deliver the issue too early). Don’t! Wait until Nightly Check-In or Weekly Inventory. ****
If, however, the issue seems too pressing, you could take advantage of any natural openings that occur, like a Saturday hike or a long drive to see relatives.
You could also make an appointment with your spouse at a time that works for both of you, but a.s.a.p. i.e. "Honey, there's some things I'd like to talk about. It might take about 30 minutes. What would be a good time?"